A Geek With Guns

Ron Paul supporters in several Minnesota congressional districts have had great luck usurping power from the establishment. This brings joy to my heart because it acts as a thorn in the side of the neocons; neocons like my new favoritest candidate ever, Lynne Torgerson:

On Saturday, April 14, 2012, I attended the Republican 5th Congressional District Endorsing Convention.

There was a stage at the front of the room. Approximately 6 people were seated on the stage. Every person seated was a Ron Paul Libertarian. The Convention was overrun by Ron Paul Libertarians. More than 2/3 of the delegates were Ron Paul Libertarians. When I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention, they laughed out loud.

Torgerson hates libertarians because we oppose everything she stands for such as killing people overseas, the abolition of state controlled marriage, and religious freedom. I’m sure if Torgerson were allowed to have her way all the non-Christians in the United States would be rounded up into concentration camps and gases. Thankfully she can’t have her way because the American people still aren’t ready to get behind ideas as bat shit crazy as what this woman is advocating.

I love the fact that delegates outright laughed at her when she said they were at a Republican convention. Guess what? It’s not a Republican convention is the Republican Party doesn’t hold the power. So what outrageous acts did the “Ron Paul Libertarians” pull with their newly found powers? Did they make everybody swear a blood oath to Odin? Did they demand everybody dance around like monkeys? As far as Torgerson is likely concerned they did far worse:

They began the Convention. There was no opening prayer. Not even a mention of it.

No opening prayer? You mean a non-religious convention didn’t try to inject religion into itself? That’s crazy! What’s next? A convention that doesn’t begin with a reading from a physic book? After all physics has an equal place to religion in a political convention.

It gets better:

There was also no Pledge of Allegiance to the US flag.

Good. Let me state something that is likely to piss a few people off: I will never cite the Pledge of Allegiance, I hate the Pledge of Allegiance. When I say this I’m usually met with numerous comments about how treasonous my distain of the Pledge is. You want treasonous? How about mindlessly reciting a pledge written by a socialist to build nationalism:

The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy (1855–1931), who was a Baptist minister, a Christian socialist, and the cousin of socialist utopian novelist Edward Bellamy (1850–1898). The original “Pledge of Allegiance” was published in the September 8 issue of the popular children’s magazine The Youth’s Companion as part of the National Public-School Celebration of Columbus Day, a celebration of the 400th anniversary of Christopher Columbus’s arrival in the Americas. The event was conceived and promoted by James B. Upham, a marketer for the magazine, as a campaign to instill the idea of American nationalism by selling flags to public schools and magazines to students.

The Pledge of Allegiance was a marketing ploy to instill nationalism. Since nationalism is one of the planks of fascism I’m not too fond of practicing it. Furthermore I’m none too inclined to recite a piece of propaganda written by a socialist. Hey Lynne Torgerson, how does if feel to be outraged by people not wanting to recite socialist propaganda? Does is hurt? I hope it hurts, I hope it hurts like fucking Hell.

Eventually the Pledge was recited, but with a little twist:

Then, a man up front stood up and requested that we recite the Pledge of Allegiance. But alas, upon looking around, there was not a flag to be seen.

Then, a clown came forward, dressed in garb, with a very large hat, that somewhat resembled a flag. In Wikipedia, wearing a flag is a form of flag desecration. Wikipedia states the following:

It is increasingly common to see clothing with the image of the flags forming a substantial part of the piece. Views vary as to whether some of this is an act of disrespect.

Such actions may be undertaken for a variety of reasons:

- As a protest against a country’s foreign policy.
- To distance oneself from the foreign or domestic policies of one’s home country.
- As a protest at the very laws prohibiting the actions in question.
- As a protest against nationalism.
- As a protest against the government in power in the country, or against the country’s form of government.
- A symbolic insult to the people of that country.

So it appears that this person was wearing the US flag in order to desecrate our flag.

Wearing an image of the flag is desecration? Really? Then a huge number of Americans are walking around desecrating the flag right now. In fact people I often shoot with, people who are ultra nationalistic, are desecrating the flag every time I see them. Either that or these people are trying to display their patriotism, and we all know how much Torgerson loves patriotism.

The clown in the flag suit then went up front and stood on the stage. We were then led in the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Stunning. To me this seemed a further desecration of the US flag and the Pledge of Allegiance. I refused to participate.

So much hilarity. Politics to me, and to many libertarians, is nothing more than a form of sick amusement. We use it to entertain ourselves and thus little stunts like this are always likely when libertarians are able to sieze control of political events. Honestly, I want to give a round of applause to the people who made this possible, if it pissed Torgerson off this badly it was worth every drop of sweat it took to accomplish it. Torgerson also got pissy because the delegates pressent at the convention didn’t want to waste their time listening to her crazy shit:

There were going to be 3 candidates allowed to speak. I was told a couple of days before the Convention by Adam Weigold, Chair, that I would be allowed an unlimited amount of time to speak. The first candidate allowed to speak, Chris Fields, a Libertarian, was allowed an unlimited amount of time. I was then asked by Chris Sinn, a Libertarian, how long my speech would take. I had prepared a 30 minute speech. I told Chris the length of time I expected my speech to take. They knew that I was going to criticize the Libertarian platform, and expose that Chris Fields is actually a Libertarian, and expose his positions, etc. Chris Fields has been trying to pass himself off as a moderate Republican, and has avoided taking any positions in public or on his website. Juliette Jordahl, a Libertarian, then quickly brought a motion to limit my speech to 10 minutes. It passed. I am currently reading a book, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. One of the first things the Nazis did was to outlaw speech criticizing the Nazis.

Let me state for the record that Chris Sinn isn’t a real person. I know several people who attended that convention and nobody by the name of Chris Sinn was present. Making up a person is a common mistake made by those who hear voices in their heads.

For those of you who haven’t attended political conventions it should be noted that the majority really does rule. If a delegate makes a motion, receives a second, and get a majority to vote in favor of that motion it’s done. In this case the “Ron Paul Libertarians” conspired against Torgerson to cut her crazy talk time down to 10 minutes, a conspiracy that will probably add to her paranoid tendencies. Heck the “Ron Paul Libertarians” were probably conspiring with the gay libertarian islamist extremist terrorists! They’re probably all out to get her!

I wonder how her 10 minutes of public crazy time went:

During my presentation, as mentioned above, they laughed out loud when I mentioned that we were at a Republican Convention. The mention that the Constitution did not protect homosexual behavior brought jeers. I also mentioned that Chris Fields has said that Saddam Hussein got a bad deal, that he applauds Keith Ellison’s representation of Muslims, that he thinks our cherished US Constitution is not perfect, that he supports gay rights legislation, and that he would not protect Life with legislation.

Wait… she actually things our “cherished US Constitution” is perfect? That’s rich, heck that’s downright hilarious! If the Constitution was prefect our country would be the fascist state it currently is.

The United States Constitution isn’t perfect, it’s nowhere near perfect. Sure, it’s a damned side better than the constitutions of many other countries but perfect it isn’t. Speaking of the Constitution let’s see if her claim that it doesn’t protect homosexual behavior holds true.

No, it doesn’t. Funny enough it also doesn’t protect heterosexual behavior. So, according to Torgerson’s “logic”, we could ban heterosexual marriages since the Constitution doesn’t specifically protect such practices. I’m down with that. Let’s ban all forms of marriage in this country for the lulz and to shove Torgerson’s “logic” down her throat. The real money quote is yet to come:

I mentioned that President and General George Washington did not advocate pot smoking and that if he did, we probably would not have won the American Revolutionary War.

Checkmate:

George Washington raised large quantities of hemp. So did Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and virtually every other 1700s American farmer.

It is also highly likely at least some of them smoked its potent sibling, now known as marijuana.

Back in George Washington’s time smoking marijuana wasn’t seen as some kind of dirty activity performed only by lowly criminals. So it’s unlikely George Washington would have opposed marijuana, making Torgerson’s statement idiotic… which is par for the course when she’s talking. The crazy isn’t quite done yet:

Jacquelyn America proudly mentioned more than once that she has been working with the Somali community.

I’m not sure what Jacquelyn did, nor if her last name is really America, but I fail to see how working with the Somali community could possibly be seen as a ding against her. Does Torgerson believe the Somali immigrants are somehow diry, evil, or otherwise undesirable? Oh, that’s right, many of them are Muslims and Torgerson believes the Muslims are out to impose Sharia law upon the entire country! No, I’m not making that up.

I really hope this woman continues to campaign because her crazy has given me a great deal of amusement.

With Santorum pulling out, Gingrich remaining entirely irrelevant, and the Inner Republican Party members doing everything in their power to prevent Ron Paul from getting the nomination it appears as through this election will likely boil down to Romney vs. Obama. I’ve already stated my opion about a Romney vs. Obama election but I think it’s time we stop, take a deep breathe, and consider the wisdom of George Carlin:

I know I condem almost every politician on the face of the planet but I think I’ve finally found a candidate who speaks to me. Everybody, I present to you Lynne Torgerson, the single most bat shit crazy politician yet spawned from this glorious state of Minnesota. Her blog is a veritable comedy gold mine, made even better by the fact she’s serious. What’s that you say? Why did I think she was anything but serious? Because her listed positions and statements are so out there that I assumed she was running as a joke candidate, one who was trying to demonstrate the sheer absurdity of the neocon platform by taking it to its maximum potential. My assumption was incorrect though, she’s not trying to use reductio ad absurdum to demonstrate the sheer idiocy of neocons, she actually believes this stuff! Let me pull an exert from her blog post:

I have realized something lately . . . If Conservatives do not stand up for the right values, who will? No one, that is who. Therefore, we must. We must stand up for the right values, and, we must do so for the rest of our lives. If we don’t, there is no one who will. And then, our values will not be represented in the United States. And, it is our values that have made America great. Therefore, we must fight to keep our values ruling and reigning. They have given us all of the freedoms under which we live. We lived in the most blessed Country on earth. We are the best, safest, most free, and most prosperous Country on earth.

What values is she speaking of? Is it free enterprise? Is it individual liberty? I’m not sure, but I can tell you what she doesn’t think are American values:

We also need to keep Ron Paul Libertarians out of the Republican Party! It appears that they are trying to take over my district, and perhaps the Minnesota Republican State Party. I have been told that there is a majority of delegates in my district who are Libertarians! We cannot let this happen. Libertarians are PROGRESSIVES! For example, they say they:

Want to get rid of the Patriot Act!
Want to get rid of the TSA!
Don’t want to support our friend and ally Israel!
Want to legalize illegal drugs
Want to legalize prostitution
Bring all the troops home
They are anti-war
Don’t want to prevent a nuclear Iran
Won’t protect the life of the unborn with legislation
Are pro gay rights

What? These are PROGRESSIVE positions. They have no business in the Republican Party. And, now, one of them is challenging me for the Republican endorsement.

Due process isn’t an American value, which is why real conservatives support the PATRIOT Act! The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) are fucking heros and we absolutely need them! I’m not kidding, just ask her:

We need the TSA and to fund it. Of course we need to fund the TSA. We need the TSA. That is beyond question. Also, it performs police like functions. These are typically funded by the gov’t. Rand Paul has it wrong. Why is just trying to stir up trouble? The Pauls act like they are funded by George Soros.

The Pauls are acting like they are funded by the same George Soros who is profitting greatly from the TSA body scanners!!!!! [extra exclamation marks added for effect and a demonstration of sincerity]

Seriously though, we should be downright grateful to those who sexually molest everybody from the youngest child to the oldest adult:

We should be grateful to the TSA, who protects us day in and day out . . . we shouldn’t want to get rid of it.

Speaking of real conservative values, opposing war isn’t one of them! We need war! If we don’t blow up the brown people in the Middle East who will? Those bastard libertarians want to live peacefully and oppose the initiation of violence! Thank God in Heaven Lynne Torgerson is here to ensure our country continues killing people! After all, what would a great empire be if we didn’t go around killing people?

That’s not even the worst problem America faces, not by a long shot:

We must oppose gay rights legislation. If we do not have a strong moral foundation, it does not matter what economic policy you put on top of it, it will crumble. That is part of what is wrong with this Country today . . . our moral foundation is crumbling.

Those damned gays are ruining our economy!

The gays aren’t our only problem, we also have a bonafide terrorist sympathizer representing the 5^th Congressional District of Minnesota right now:

And, we shall eventually win in this district, against radical Islamist Keith Ellison. I am in this for the long haul.

Keith Ellison is a radical Islamist. What is a radical Islamist? A radical Islamist is someone who wants to have Sharia Law supreme in the United States, and will use political means or terror, to accomplish that goal. Keith Ellison, when asked, refuses to say that our cherished US Constitution should remain supreme over Sharia Law. He also recently said that the US will eventually have no borders. Well, if the US has no borders, there is no United States of America! What an anti-American thing for a sitting US Congressman to say.

It’s true, just read through all the citations she… um… doesn’t provide… but are true damn it!!!!! [again, extra exclamation marks tossed in to show the serious nature of her claim] It gets worse, he also funds terrorism:

Keith Ellison is also tied to CAIR, the Council on American Islamic Relations, which has been a named co-conspirator to funding terrorism, in the Holy Land Foundation Trial, which resulted in convictions for sending $12,000,000.00 to the terrorist organization Hamas. Keith Ellison is the keynote speaker for CAIR annual dinners. CAIR also helps Keith Ellison raise campaign funds. So, we have a sitting Congressman who helps a named co-conspirator to funding terrorism raise funds!

My god, we have an islamist terrorist extremist in Congress and we don’t even realize it! Why hasn’t this man been brought up on charges of treason? This is unacceptable! I bet he’s also in league with those gays who are ruining our economy! I know we’ve covered a lot, so let me remind you of her strong held true conservative values:

To remind you, I am a true conservative who will adhere strictly to being a proponent of:

America the Beautiful

Strong Homeland Security

Pro-Life

Traditional Marriage

Israel

Cutting Spending

A 10% Tax Rate

A Balanced Budget

Our cherished US Constitution

Fighting Radical Islamism

Individual Responsibility

America the Beautiful, it’s not just a song, it’s a mother fucking value! Lynne is also pro-life as hell… unless you’re a brown person living in the Middle East, but then you’re obviously a extremists islamist terrorist Muslim so you don’t count!

Of course no neocon advocate is done until they’ve pulled out the word patriot a few times:

Patriots need to keep their businesses in the US, and employ US workers.

So, my fellow Patriots, I’m turning to YOU to help me defeat Keith Ellison and the Ron Paul Libertarians.

Your generous contribution will bring my campaign that much closer to unseating Ellison and installing a devoted patriot into Congress.

P.S. To be sure we are better positioned for victory against this radical incumbent, we will need sacrifice and participation from fellow patriots like YOU.

She’s super serious, look, she used the word patriot four times! Four mother fucking times! How much more patriotic could one possibly get? Shit, she’s the most patriotic patriot that’s every been a patriotic patriot!

My fellow Americans, our mission is clear, so clear that it could only have been delivered by God himself. We much elected Lynne Torgerson less our nation fall at the hands of radical gay libertarian islamist extremist terrorists! She, and she alone, is our only hope! Without her we will not have a steady flow of LULZ patriotism protecting this fine nation! She even has something for you greenies out there:

Lynne Torgerson the only true conservative in this race supports individual responsibility, free market solutions, balancing the budget, cutting spending, peace through strength, is pro life, 1 man 1 woman marriage, fighting radical Islamism, pro Israel, pro women’s rights, greenish on environment and food.

Emphasis mine. She’s greenish! Sure it’s not green but it’s close enough for government work! I do have to contact her campaign though, she’s using some improper verbiage. It’s not peace through strength, it’s peace through power:

I would also have accepted strength through unity:

I’m sorry, I have to stop now. My sides are hurting from all the laughing I’ve been doing at the sheer absurdity of her campaign literature and blog posts. I can hardly breathe! In fact I hope, nay, I pray she never takes down her site because it’s one of the largest sources of comedy I’ve found on the Internet. It’s like she wants to point out the absurdity of the Republican Party but doesn’t realize she wants to do it, yet is doing it.

I take a great deal of pleasure in pissing off the enviro-nazis. Environ-nazi is a term I use for those who claim they’re environmentally friendly but in actuality are not because they oppose real methods to improve the environment. Needless to say it always puts a smile on my face when I can mention the average 17mpg my Ford Ranger gets to one of these individuals. With that said I’m not a fan of paying for gas and I do want to get some physical exercise so I periodically ride a bike. Riding a bike is a double-edged sword in my book because it does offer great exercise and transportation but only at the cost of gaining approval of the enviro-nazis. Thankfully some researchers have my back:

Substituting bicycling for driving is frequently promoted as a means of reducing energy consumption and the associated degradation of the environment. This paper estimates the magnitude of this effect. The analysis takes account of the first-order effects due to the dramatically lower energy requirements of transportation by bicycle relative to automobiles. The environmental benefits of human power are, however, strongly coupled to the environmental costs of increased population, due to increased longevity of those who engage in physical activity. Paradoxically, increased use of human power for transportation is unlikely to reduce substantially the use of energy because of this second-order effect. Human powered transportation is therefore less an environmental issue and more an issue of public health. The interplay between longevity and environmental impact is a central feature of the conflicting societal objectives of improving human health and increasing environmental sustainability.

Since riding a bike leads to a longer life it gives me more time to use energy and increase my carbon footprint. Therefore I can continue riding a bike in good conscious knowing it ultimately goes against everything the enviro-nazis support (which is to say it lets me increase my carbon footprint).

This quote from Tam is downright golden:

Likewise, wind turbines are not meant to actually be an efficient way to supply the power grid, rather they’re prayer wheels for New Age iBuddhists, their whirring blades drawing white guilt from the atmosphere and pumping it safely underground. This is why they put them out in farm fields in the country and not, say, off Martha’s Vinyard or out on the back nine, in view of the clubhouse: What good is a shrine if you don’t have to make a pilgrimage to get to it?

The new president of the World Thieves Guild Bank was announced last week. Please put your hands together for Jim Young Kim (skip to 2:05 of the video for maximum hilarity):

I really hope he wears that outfit whenever he’s performing his presidential duties.

Picture obtained from the Bastiat Institute Facebook page.

At long last Norsefire, everybody’s favorite fascist political organization, has announced their presidential candidate for 2012:

Picture yanked from here.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! My god this is just too much:

Picture nabbed from Facebook

If he’s the hero I don’t even want to meet the enemy. Actually if Bernanke is the hero then a successful free market must be the enemy, so perhaps I do want to meet the enemy. Saying Bernanke fixed the global economy is a perfect case of rewriting history, especially considering the global economy is still circling the toilet bowl.