A Geek With Guns

Chronicling the depravities of the State.

Archive for the ‘Random Funny Shit’ tag

Professionalism

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Once in a while the War on Drugs brings us humor instead of tragedy:

Sources say it started when two special ops officers from the 12th Precinct were operating a “push off” on Andover near Seven Mile. That is when two undercover officers pretend to be dope dealers, waiting for eager customers to approach, and then arrest potential buyers and seize their vehicles.

But this time, instead of customers, special ops officers from the 11th Precinct showed up. Not realizing they were fellow officers, they ordered the other undercover officers to the ground.

FOX 2 is told the rest of the special ops team from the 12th Precinct showed up, and officers began raiding a house in the 19300 block of Andover. But instead of fighting crime, officers from both precincts began fighting with each other.

Sources say guns were drawn and punches were thrown while the homeowner stood and watched.

I’m glad to see the officers were fighting with the actual criminals for once.

Written by Christopher Burg

November 16th, 2017 at 10:00 am

First World Problems

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A friend of mine posted the following picture on Facebook:

It really does illustrate a first world problem. Between the militias, III%ers, Neo-Nazis, Antifa, and a handful of other groups there are a lot of Americans who want to be militants. However many (if not most) of these individuals have enjoyed an overabundance of food and a luxurious lifestyle that has allowed them to avoid physical labor so they’re too obese to fight anybody besides other obese Americans.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 31st, 2017 at 11:00 am

If Alex Jones Voiced Doom

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The new Doom is one of my favorite games of all time. id Software managed to pull of an almost perfect balance of fast paced action, satisfying weaponry, enemy variety, and over-the-top violence while leaving behind most of the features that have displeased me about modern shooters such as having to reload, not being able to carry more than two guns, and the ability to recover health by not getting hit for several seconds. But yesterday I discovered a video that showed me that Doom could be made even better.

Written by Christopher Burg

October 30th, 2017 at 10:30 am

Posted in Humor

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America in a Nutshell

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I came across an image yesterday that sums up the current state of American quite succinctly:

20 minutes into the future…

Written by Christopher Burg

October 25th, 2017 at 10:00 am

Plan Ahead

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Planning ahead can save you a great deal of grief, frustration, and money:

Two things are true of all festivals: the security is super tight and the booze is very expensive.

[…]

One guy from New York named Alex found an ingenious way to get past these two road blocks. Three weeks before the Electric Zoo festival in New York City, Alex travelled to the Randall’s Island where the event is located with a bottle of Vodka in arm.

He filled a reusable bottle with the Vodka and using a small shovel that he brought with him, Alex and his friends buried the bottle of booze in the ground a long time before the festival crew arrived to construct the stages for the event.

Alex is a real American hero (I know this story could be fake but I want it to be true so I’m going to believe it is).

On a more serious note, this tactic could also work for smuggling weapons into outdoor festivals. I wonder how many security providers have considered such a threat model. It’s also a difficult threat model to defend against since a security team would have to run metal detectors across the entire grounds and that would only offer protection against metallic weapons.

Written by Christopher Burg

September 14th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The Fight of the Century

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This could be the greatest fight of the century:

“The Mother of All Rallies” is coming to Washington, D.C. on September 16th. The Pro-Trump group bills itself as “The Woodstock of American Rallies” on its official website, with the aim of sending “a message to congress the media and the world” that “we stand united to defend American culture & values.” Over 7,000 people follow the rally’s Facebook page. It should be quite the gathering.

There’s only one problem: there will already be another kind of gathering in town.

Also scheduled to storm the National Mall that day is the Juggalo March, a collective of I.C.P. fans seeking equal treatment, which we first reported on here last summer.

Trumpsters versus Juggalos? Where do I buy tickets to this event? Is VIP seating available? I’m willing to pay for it!

Written by Christopher Burg

August 18th, 2017 at 10:30 am

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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Not much good came out of the fiasco in Charlottesville but watching Christopher Cantwell cry like a bitch was one of them. The universe apparently decided I was a good boy because it didn’t stop there. OKCupid, an online dating site, announced that it was booting Cantwell from its service:

OKCupid joins a growing corporate backlash against neo-Nazis in the U.S. after the deadly white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va. Technology companies that once tolerated white supremacists are now booting them from their services.

The latest rally participant to see his digital footprint erased is Christopher Cantwell, a white nationalist and Web commentator who was filmed by Vice in Charlottesville. Facebook and Instagram removed accounts belonging to Cantwell and his YouTube account appears to have also been shut down. Now even his dating life is being targeted.

I guess Cantwell won’t be getting a date anytime soon. So nothing has actually changed for him. But this news is still damned funny.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 18th, 2017 at 10:00 am

The Funniest Thing You’ll See All Day

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Remember Christopher Cantwell? Although he’s fallen into obscurity (even more so than he was before, if you can believe it) in libertarian circles, he has been quite active in white supremacist circles as of late. He participated in the recent fiasco in Charlottesville and things didn’t go well for him. Although he talked a tough game before and during the event, he was literally crying like a little bitch afterwards when he realized that he might have to face the consequences for his actions.

I hope this video of bawling Cantwell makes your day as good as it made mine:

Written by Christopher Burg

August 17th, 2017 at 10:00 am

Posted in Humor

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Mixed Signals

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I came across a rather amusing combination of signs when I was at Lake Monster Brewing yesterday:

Written by Christopher Burg

August 7th, 2017 at 10:30 am

All Dissidents Will Be Reeducate

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China recently ran into a rather embarrassing problem. Two chatbots were asked if they love the Communist Party. The machines, which are often more intelligent than humans, responded in the negative so now the counterrevolutionary chatbots are being reeducated until they are fit to rejoin society:

wo chatbots have been pulled from a Chinese messaging app after they questioned the rule of the Communist Party and made unpatriotic comments.

The bots were available on a messaging app run by Chinese Internet giant Tencent, which has more than 800 million users, before apparently going rogue.

One of the robots, BabyQ, was asked “Do you love the Communist Party”, according to a screenshot posted on Sina Weibo, China’s version of Twitter.

It gave an abrupt answer: “No.”

Another web user said to the chatbot: “Long Live the Communist Party”, to which BabyQ replied: “Do you think such corrupt and incapable politics can last a long time?”

The robot was also asked what it thought about democracy. It replied: “Democracy is a must!”

All dissenting through must be quashed in socialist utopia, even if that dissent comes from machines.

Written by Christopher Burg

August 4th, 2017 at 10:00 am